So my extra blog doesn't have a video in it about the stupid things people do to give greek life a bad name. It's more of a topic that's been on my mind ever since I joined FIJI. I'm just very curious to get everyone's opinion and I hope that's alright and not against what were supposed to use as an extra blog. The question I'm asking is essentiall do you put on a different face around sororities? Now I understand this is kind of a cloudy question but please try to answer honestly. I want to hear everyone's opinion on it. Of course you can start by reading mine and then go in your own direction with it but please comment. I'm very curious as to how my brothers feel about this.
I joined FIJI because I saw brotherhood. Growing up with two older sisters it was not something I was accustomed to or familiar with by any means. I've been in more petty little fights with my sisters than I care to rehash, but i'm getting off topic. When I was first introduced to FIJI something inside me just clicked. It was like I finally found a piece of me that had been missing for my entire life. It was awesome and I've not regretted my decision since.
Then of course there is the social aspect of the Fraternity. I understand that we are a Social fraternity and want to have good times with Sororities. I have no qualm with that and genuinely support that ideal. However, I have been to 3 socials throughout the time that i've been a part of FIJI. Each one of them sucked. I'm not a shy guy so I don't mind introducing myself to girls and starting a conversation with them. At 2 of the TG's i even grabbed Mufasa and took him over to a group with me (Cause he's HOT) to try and get the girls to have a conversation with us. When they weren't on their phone texting or calling someone they were getting drinks and standing in an impenetrable circle of girls. It's annoying but that isn't really what bothers me the most.
More than a few brothers put on this facade when we go to these things and pretend to be someone their not. I don't know whether they think the girls will like them more or they're just putting on a show but it really upsets me. Mostly because the facade they put on is detrimental to what FIJI stands for. As soon as there are girls around us it's like they're a different person entirely. Many times i've been put down by people who would never say anything of the sort if it were just guys. Now don't get me wrong, I can take a joke but there is a difference between sarcasm and belittling someone continuously. I hate the idea that people do this. I joined FIJI because I loved what it stood for and the "Gentlemanly" attitude that we represent. When it's thrown back in my face at these socials, I just can't express in words how much this upsets me. It's not an isolated incident either. I have been to 3 TG's and at each one something like this has occurred.
I have been to a ton of brotherhood events and don't have a negative thing to say about it. Yes sometimes there are arguments and emotions run high but that's what a family does. They argue and get angry but in the end you know that each one of us is there for one another.
Anyway sorry if this was a long reading but this is something that has bothered me since I joined FIJI and I felt like this was a good time to throw it out there. Please comment I would love to know what everyone thinks!
Hey Jon,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I want to say that I'm sorry this has happened to you and I hope it was never me who put on a "facade." I do realize some people act differently around girls.. trying to be the epitome of "what a girl wants." It does piss me off a lot. But, then again I can kind of relate to what they are doing.
I hope I have never done this to a brother since I have been in college but back in high school when I first moved to Ohio I put on a facade for everyone. At first I was the schools favorite. Everyone loved me but as I tried to be the perfect person in everyone's eyes, in the end, I was known as a jerk by everyone. All I can say is there is a need to conform for some people and I would admit for me, if I do conform, it is around girls.
Now I'm not saying this as an excuse but maybe a part of it is some brothers are lonely. You are lucky. You already found your girl. Most brothers aren't so lucky so when you mix alcohol and lovely ladies dressed in beautiful attire some brothers might lack the better part of discretion. My suggestion would be to go and talk to these brothers because I am 99% sure they didn't mean to belittle you and were just trying to crack a joke that would make a lady friend like them a little bit more.
On the other hand, I do not believe putting a brother down on purpose should be allowed. It is hard enough trying to unite a greek community when our own chapter is divided.
I hoped it helped a little bit me being a kind of devil's advocate. If you actually want to discuss this we can in person.
:) happy you joined Fiji for the same reason I did
First of all, Social Fraternity does not mean what you normally think of "social". The sooner we, as well as the rest of the Greek community figure that out the better.
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_social_fraternities_and_sororities
Anyways, I think it is a tricky subject that you touched on. Additionally, I think it is not only due to our Fraternity, but also what sororities are expecting. It goes back to that Animal House reference you talked about in your other blog. Its a self fulfilling prophecy and many sorority girls focus on that as well, causing some guys to not think. Now I don't want to seem like I'm pointing blame at someone else, again it is a tricky topic.
As for comments, yea talk to brothers who were saying things. Throwing alcohol and girls into the mix can cause a lot of miscommunication and people can not realize the implications of what they said.
I've had similar experiences ,not in that I've been put down or anything, but that in general our TGs are less than fulfilling in a lot of ways. I'd say my first few TGs while I was in the chapter, I had a blast, enjoyed myself, etc. However, after those first few, I often find myself waking up in the morning asking myself how my life has been positively affected by the event and I just can't say it has. Now, part of that is probably that I need to take the initiative and work to develop friendships with some of the girls I meet at TGs (that would be good for the chapter), but in general I find that I enjoy and get a lot more out of doing things when alcohol isn't involved. Whether its Community Commitment or a brotherhood event, I feel that I build more meaningful ties to those I'm spending time with than I do at TGs.
ReplyDeleteSoooo... TG's are probably the least favorite part about FIJI for me. Not because I don't like talking to girls or meeting new friends but, like Tim, I just don't find anything that impacts me in a positive way when I go. Now saying that, I will admit that I haven't been to many. But those that I have been to have been just the regular get together/party. The problem is that there is a congruence issue sometimes. Fiji stands to be the "builder of gentlemen" and sometimes I don't see that in my brothers at these events. Girls can cause a lot of these problems and I love Coz's comment about Jon not being lonely and some brothers not being so lonely. Anyways, when Fiji is seen as a fraternity that builds gentlemen and our values are FKSME, sometimes there is no congruence between those values and why we have TG's.
ReplyDeleteBut this year I have taken a different viewpoint on TG's and other social events with sororities. I am taking it as a time to recruit. I was introduced to Fiji by a lady in AGD and I am glad that she did. It was because of her that I even thought about becoming a part of Greek life and once I met the guys from Fiji my decision was easy. So i guess everyone goes to social events for different reasons. Sometimes this difference is what causes certain brothers to act out of character.
Hey Jon,
ReplyDeleteThats an interesting topic that I honestly was not expecting but that I am happy you brought up. To answer your question though I don’t on purpose I will admit that I probably have acted differently at times when being at a TG.
I think the idea of a TG's itself is good idea. I think if done right they are good way for a fraternity to get to know girls from a sorioity and thus build stronger friendship within the Greek community which I think was the original purpose of them. I also do agree with Alex in that a Fraternity is built to build better men as well as with Niko in that the social in social fraternity is not what we always assume to be the definition of social. I do think that being able to positively interact with girls of the opposite sex is a part of building a better person though as when you think of anything you do it is usually not just with men but also with woman. Aside from that I also agree that they are a great way for recruiting as I was first introduced into Greek life and more specifically into FIJI by Jordan Davis from CHI O and that I honestly wouldn't have even thought about FIJI if it wasn't for her.
Now though I do agree with the idea of a TG and will admit that I have been to my fair share of them I won’t lie that I agree with most of you in that there’s not too many of them that I really enjoy. The reason why I don’t enjoy them is not because I don’t get anything extremely meaningful out of them because I don’t go into a TG expecting to get what I get out of community service because their completely different and are meant to provide different things. The reason why I don’t enjoy them as much is because I think that a lot of times they fit the same seen as a huge party. You go with the friends you know and continue to talk with them at the party because those are the people you know except that at a TG your friends are half the people at the TG, your brothers.
So though I do think the overall all idea of a TG is good I don't think it is executed in the right way to create what it is intended to create which is more times than not an environment in which you are able to build new and stronger friendships. I think a TG more often suggests things that lead to behaviors that you were talking about Jon. A TG is what it states it is, a Themed gathering, but does that have to include what we all assume it includes, a big party filled with alcohol, loud music and girls in really tight clothes. Now though this type of environment can be fun it doesn't always suggest the best attitude for guys or girls and thus can lead to actions that you were talking about Jon.
Now at the end of the day you can blame the environment as much as you want but it is up to the brothers to act accordingly, including myself. It is up to the brothers as well as the sorority to uphold the values and morals and not devalue someone else inorder to get someone else to like them more.
Thanks again for commenting and being honest guys. I really enjoyed reading all these posts.
ReplyDeleteMy experiences may have been unique and I understand that some people have a hard time talking to girls. I still don't think that should be an excuse to put on a different face around girls or sororities or around anyone for that matter. I think a big part of this comes from the Congruence chapter of the SCM model. We all hold certain values and want to live by them, that's why we joined FIJI. Being congruent with our values in every type of setting, no matter where or who is around, is another case where we can advertize what FIJI is.
Again these are just my feelings and I understand i'm coming from a very diffrent situation. But as for the finding someone who's important to me comment someone posted earlier. This is the only realtionship I've had that has lasted longer than two weeks. I know what it's like to be single and lonely and I understand how certain things can act as "liquid courage". I still feel values should not be sacrificed once those beverages have been absorbed and people relax a bit more.
Again just my feelings. Thanks again to everyone who commented!!!
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ReplyDeleteJon, I see exactly what you are saying. I've thought a lot about this too, and TGs have always been sort of hit or miss with me.
ReplyDeleteI have always wanted FIJI to make a point to organize a dry event with whatever sorority we have a TG scheduled with PRIOR to the TG. This just prevents the whole "facade" situation you struggle with, or at least diminishes it somewhat. If we had a chance to get to know these girls in a dry, friendly setting before we go out to a bar with them, I think you and the other brothers would find TGs much more enjoyable.
That being said, I also recognize that different people have different tastes. The difficult thing with FIJI, since there are so many different interests and perspectives, is balancing these personalities. Some brothers are bound to love TGs while others will hate them. That's just something that sometimes is hard to avoid.
Good blog, Jon, always great to hear your opinion.
Great blog, Jon! I think you're absolutely right. I know that it's always a conversation amongst Fraternity men. And I think understanding oneself and our congruence makes this an on-going topic in Fraternities.
ReplyDelete